Do You Have “Grass is Always Greener Syndrome?”

Be honest, how many times have you thought “Everything sucks, I’m going to run away to Tijuana to start over.”

Just me?

I used to have this mentality that when things got hard, I thought that picking up and going to a tropical location would surely solve all my problems. I would live in a hut on the water and work at a smoothie stop on the side of the road. Yes, this was actually a fantasy of mine even though I’m not sure how I would actually survive in a hut (I kinda like electricity).

But the underlying lie I told myself is that if I moved somewhere far away, my problems would disappear.

Well, sure, my everyday problems would subside, but that doesn’t mean new problems wouldn’t arise.

How would I move my things to a remote island? What’s the visa situation like? How the hell would I actually live in a hut when I’m used to air conditioning and hot running water???

You see, I thought my running away I would no longer have problems at all, when really I would just have new problems. And after I researched this more in depth, I realized that there is no problem-less place and that this theory applies to every aspect of your life.

It’s called, “The Grass is Always Greener Syndrome.”

This is basically when you’re always looking out to other places, people, lifestyles, and options thinking there is something better out there than what you already have. Even if what you have is amazing and people would kill for it…in the back of your mind there is always something better.

I struggle with this in a lot of ways, which makes it hard to make simple decisions sometimes.

With finding an apartment, I always needed to see every single option available so I know I’m not missing the ‘perfect’ one. When I see couples on Instagram posting pictures of exotic locations, I think that they automatically have a better life than me and I need to pack my bags and be like them.

The thing is, every apartment has pros and cons and everyone still has problems…they’re just different problems. Maybe those travel couples secretly want to settle down in a house with white picket fence. Especially with social media, it’s so easy to compare yourself to others, even though they have still have issues themselves.

Here’s how the grass is always greener syndrome can sneakily creep into your relationship…

In Your Relationship

Are you the type of person that has had several short term relationships and jump ship because they’re not perfect? Or maybe you’re in a long term relationship, but you keep picking out your partner’s flaws and think maybe there’s someone ‘better’ out there.

In both situations, there are always going to be flaws in a partner because no one except God himself is perfect. I’m sure Ryan Gosling leaves the toilet seat up and doesn’t clean his shaved beard out of the sink either. With any partner, there will be flaws to pick out, just different flaws. This is the time to dig deep and ask yourself why your partners didn’t work out or why you’re looking elsewhere for a ‘perfect’ mate. Odds are it’s really you projecting your own insecurities on someone else. 

Projecting means you find what you ‘wrong’ with your partner is really a reflection on how you see yourself.

You might be thinking you need more of an alpha male type because that’s what society tells you, or you’re looking for someone to live up to the expectations of your parents and worry they’re not ‘good enough’. 

But really, you worry other people don’t see you as ‘big and confident’ enough which is why you’re trying to complete that with your partner– or you feel like you’re not good enough for your parents, so you’re trying to compensate with your partner to fill that void.

See what I mean?  Once you start dissecting why you think the grass is greener somewhere else- it really just means you need to water your own lawn.

That means turning inward and realizing what pieces of your life do you want to improve and why you’re looking to someone else to fill voids only you can fill.

Think about this for a bit and see if you’ve been experiencing the grass is always greener syndrome.  

If you’re needing more support on this topic, that is what I can help you with if we work 1:1.  Really diving into your projections and where they stem from.  

Then, we work on ‘watering your own lawn,’ which means putting practices in place that are going to boost your self esteem so you can stop seeking validation and self worth from external sources, understand why you’re struggling making/feeling at peace with your decisions, and healing the relationship you have with yourself so that you can feel like your most confident self. 

Remember, the grass could be greener somewhere else- but you can always water your own lawn.